Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Belated July 4th (Total) Recall [Part 3]

FINALLY: The actual 4th day of July had arrived.

(The 2 days leading up to this day, not covered in this post, will remain that way.)

We awoke during the late morning/early afternoon in a NUTZ daze. Almost everything was in shambles and out of control. Doug, Dig[aret], Digerella, Douglita, Fresh, whatever you felt like calling him at this point, was still alive. Thank God.

I honestly don't really, really remember what happened over those 2 days. If I really think about it, then I can remember driving fast and recklessly around downtown Atlanta for a while with the top down and music blasting while crushing brews. I remember running into and catching up with Walter Pickens while Dig, Steph, and I were at lunch at... some pizza place... I forget. That's RANDOM. I DO remember Digga drank an entire pitcher by himself (at about 1:00 pm on a Monday [or Tuesday]).

My company had been calling me all morning/afternoon regarding IT issues, questions, etc. and wondering where I was. I did a good job.

I also remember crashing into a Starbucks around 5:00 pm that afternoon kinda pretty tipsy, pulling out my laptop, and working out some network and website issues while Doug drunk dialed some chick back in Charleston. It was either one of his mom, sister, or sister's chick friend. I know that much.

Let's get back to the morning/afternoon of July 4th. And let's fast forward through that entire day because it was just a freaking awesome nailz raging mess that I'd rather not risk carpal tunnel over.

So we actually make it out (Hnizdor drives [somehow]) to watch fireworks at Lenox and it was righteous. We brought plenty of beer for plenty of reasons. After Lenox we headed down to the Virginia-Highlands area to meet up with some SMOKESHOWS we'd met that afternoon at the pool.

We met them alright at Hand In Hand and the chick Hnize was into was also into him. However, these girls were already with another group of bros that they knew?? WHAT?!?!? Thankfully we overwhelmed those dudes and they ended up leaving us with the chickz. YES.

HOLD UP. Steph and her crew roll up all of a sudden. Dig had been sexting them, unbeknownst to me. Things get weird.

Our chicks leave to go to another VA-Highlands place a couple of blocks down. We meet them there (with our chicks) 15 minutes later. Things get weirder.

For the next 2 hours Dig provokes Hnizdor (continuously throughout the night) to hit on this chick who clearly has a boyfriend. What? Truth. He keeps telling him to "go back and give it another shot, to try harder, to not give up, to persist, to GET IT, to SUCCEED, TO WIN!!!!"

We end up back at our apartment one expensive taxi ride, not paid for by us, around 1:00 a.m. I'd like to say. It's quickly decided that we're going out to the pool. We had some girl come out on her porch at about 1:30 to tell us to STFU. I had to be responsive and productive that morning, so I left Digga, Steph, and Lauren down there at the pool......

Well... This is where things get the MOST WEIRD. Digger Fresh never came back that night/morning DESPITE the door being left unlocked and our apartment fully accessible and able to accommodate...

This kid... THIS KID. SOMEHOW he ended up back at Steph and Lauren's place. "WWHHOOOAAAA.... Dude... You're dating a freaking SMOKESHOW back in Charleston and you've already been going through the Mere Mere incident since you got here 4 days ago!," was all I could think. (This Mere incident was still going on, by the way.)

What a bro, Doug. Somehow you made it back to our apartment. You made it back to safe haven. I was sleeping while Danny and Alex were leaving for work. Danny said Digga was crushing a handle of vodka at 8:30 a.m. when he (Danny) was just about to leave for work. Doug Fresh then had to drive Hnize to his car, which had been left down in the VA-Highlands area...

Doug was NOT GOOD when he got back (and I was finally awake [around 10:30 a.m.]).

To this day we still do not know what happened and went down at the pool and/or at Steph/Lauren's place after I left the pool that night. All of the recounting and memories from everyone (Dig, Steph, Lauren) are unclear, inconsistent, uncertain, gray and the shade hasn't changed since their depositions/interrogations... What really happened?

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Belated July 4th (Total) Recall [Part 2]

Picking up right where I left off:

Our sweet, cute, cuddly, ravenous, psychopathic Mere Mere had just gained access to the Post Brookhaven Phase 1 pool. I was performing aerial recon from our 3rd floor apartment vantage point (and hiding/locking down our apartment). Digga Fresh was caught between a rock and a... Mere.

Hnize managed to fade in with "the crowd," more-or-less, and stay in communication with me via mobile device. Dig and Mere's positions were just out of my line of sight, so Hnize was relaying real time updates on the interaction between the two. Dig managed to keep his cool while Mere drilled him with a few questions. He fired back a couple of valid questions, before answering any of hers, as the entire pool watched with wide, frozen eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Hnize said (while on the phone with me). Mere responded, "Doug are you going to let him talk to me like that?" Dig responded, "Yeah. What are you doing here, Mere?" He then jumped into the pool and swam away. She paced angrily for several minutes as the entire pool continued to watch. She yelled, "What are you doing??!?" Dig yelled back from the pool (while catching a football), "I'm just havin fun girl!"

Mere eventually left a few minutes later and there were a few cheers to be heard.July 4th Pool Party Rage

SO. Maybe the big question for some of you, but not many (until now) is: How did she find out where y'all were!?!?

Well... If you haven't already heard of/use it, then look into it. It's called 'FourSquare'. Yep. Mere actually used FourSquare to not only track Dig's present position via his check-ins, but also took the initiative to mobilize on them. Scary stuff right? Right! I cannot make this stuff up...

The end to Mere Mere was far from over, though. We soon discovered she was 'Merely' retreating to re-assess her options and re-adjust her plan of attack...

It's now about 6:00 P.M. EST, Sunday. (We still have three days until July 4th truly lifts off the ground... I could write a short story on this trip. Damn.) Us bros decide to roll out hard with some new chickz we met at the pool to a restaurant called Verde. It's right around the corner and very convenient. None of us bros have ever been there. All of the chickz have, though.

Hnize is HAMMERED and is talking this other rando bro's head off until the bro finally stumbled outside and fell asleep in his car. Dig and I crept over to the bar, away from the table of chickz, to rip some shots of Rumple. Upon getting back to the table, we find out that Hnize now has the intention
of testing Dig and mine's tolerance by ordering tequila shots.

Mere Mere has sent Dig about 150 text messages by now. He has responded to zero. She is now saying that she has called the Police and filed a robbery charge that claims Dig stole her iPhone 4S. (She gave Dig her iPhone 4S as a gift a few weekends prior when she drove from ATL to visit him for the first time in Charelston... Dig [obviously] immediately wiped the device as soon as she left town.)

She was calling him incessantly. She would not stop. We had all been careful to check in on FourSquare at various venues around, but not at, Verde and the Brookhaven area in an effort to throw her off our tracks. Finally, two of the girls, Kelsey Fox and Stephanie Mus, demanded they each pick up one of Mere's phone calls to Dig. That went over real, real bad...

Before I end this part, let it be known again that Mere Mere lives ACROSS. THE. STREET. from us... She didn't know our apartment number, but did know our 'phase' and our cars. Therefore, the most terrifying aspect was the idea that we may walk outside in the morning to find one or more of our car's tires slashed and/or a message written in the paint (despite us having a maximum security entry gate)...

Well, it appears that July 4th can't be wrapped up into just two parts. Part 3 will be coming soon, which should, hopefully, be the closing 'chapter' to the United States' best holiday (2012).

Monday, August 13, 2012

Belated July 4th (Total) Recall [Part 1]

I'm going to have to make this real brief, but at least it'll be something for the "V.J."

July 4th... I'm trying to remember just what all went down (because it was a lot). Our bro, Digga Fresh, came into town. That's for damn sure. He stormed into ATL Sunday afternoon I think it was. Things got real wild and out of control real fast, but us dudes managed to contain the outbreak. We all know this, but: Chicks can get CRAZY. I mean ZERO mental stability or rationale what-so-ever. It's wild, but true!

Doug Fehrmann
Within a few seconds of Dig's touchdown in ATL, Mere Mere was already trying to get a bead on his exact present location and planned route of travel through and around the city. I mean, she had already sent him well over 200 text messages over the 3 days leading up to his departure from and drive to ATL. It was REALLY creepy. I think Dig had about 30 - 40 text messages racked up from Mere by the time he rolled up to the pool party at Post Brookhaven PHASE 1...
Well... Hnizdor strolls in soon after Digga arrives and joins the festivities. We start to run low on beer. It's about 3:00 p.m. EST if I remember correct. Dig volunteers to drive Hnize to the Kroger to grab a fresh 30 rack of Busch gold tops. They make it back to the pool safe and sound (you might think). Dig remembers he has a football in his car. He runs out to grab it so we could bro out even harder at the pool. He comes running back into the pool area 3x (three times) as fast as he ran out with a look of disbelief and terror on his face.

Post Brookhaven Phase 1 July 4thMere Mere had arrived... She was parking just outside the gate with a look of sincere, sweet, loving, CRAZY RAGE on her face. When Dig started shouting that Mere was parking outside the gate my heart skipped a few beats, then I panicked, which I shouldn't have done. Everything went dark except for a narrow tunneled vision that allowed me to see only what was right in front of me. I grabbed all of my essentials (phone, wallet, chap stick, beer, keys) and booked the hell out of it through the back gate of the pool and up to our apartment, which overlooks the pool area.

Dig was absolutely correct. MERE was THERE. She was like a zombie trying to get through the front pool gate, which was magnetically locked by a maximum security magnet for safety (so outsiders, heathens, vagrants, feral women, killers, and terrorists can't get through). She started yelling out for Dig and commanding him to let her in. Dig was yelling back, "NO!! DO NOT LET HER IN!!!" from under the pavilion at the back. The pool crowd instantly became uncomfortable, alarmed, curious, and alert. Two sorry broads gave in and walked over to the writhing zombie-like creature at the gate.

Max Serucity Gate

They obviously thought wrong. Mere managed to talk (instigate) one of them into coming out into the parking lot (after Mere cussed the chick out and made her angry). As soon as the chick opened the gate, Mere overpowered her and gained access to the pool area. They were all in one "cage" now...

Let me inform the reader that during this entire event, I was on the phone with Hnize reporting to him what I was witnessing from 3 levels up (that they could not see). Once the beast broke through the containment barrier I gave Dig and him the "red alert" by repeating: "She's in the walls! She's in the walls! Repeat: She's broken through! Get outta there!!" Hnizdor: "OMG! I SEE HER! OH GOD!! WE'RE..... GOIN...... %$*hGFIGHR$*y#%#%hbggd [STATIC]."

And so begins July 4th, 2012 [PART 1]...